There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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