plz talk dirty to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
