I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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