that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
