he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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