How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
