i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
