DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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