talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
