i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
