TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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