the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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