Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize