How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
