i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
