so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
