why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
