Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize