Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
