this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
