Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
This house was built for laser tag.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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