"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
