he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You made out with two different species that night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
So. Much. Porn.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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