your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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