Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
