I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
