i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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