they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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