We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
