It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
