Princesses don't give blow jobs
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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