My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
