The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
