I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
