I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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