the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
