I think I died a long time ago.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
