Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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