Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i came on her dog
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
