Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
