no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
