ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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