I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize