I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
