theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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