she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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