he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
