My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
