I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
false alarm, still single
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
