turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
