you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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