My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
