thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
