then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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