Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize