There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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