You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
