my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
