Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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