I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
