dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
