she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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