Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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